I know the world is filled with problems and in respect of all that mine is so small, but my stomach is in knots, I can barely breath and the tears are just so close that my eyes are burning trying to hold them back. I have to or else I will just reduce into a blubbering fool and that isnt going to help.
My sweet cat and friend for so long is sick, so sick that he has become so thin and dehydrated that he is just wasting away. He tries so hard to eat, the vet gave him subcataneous fluids but still today he is in very bad shape =( His bloodwork shows nothing that they tested for save elevated white blood cell count but he has no fever, she feels indictive of something ominous, likely cancer. She thinks he will die soon, and thinks he is probably suffering. They have reserved a spot for him today and just waiting on me to call with a decision.

How does one decide such a thing? I truly don't know. What if its wrong, what if he could get better and I end his life? How do I drive my faithful friend to the vets, look into his eyes and end his life. I just dont know.
I mean I do know. I dont want him to suffer, he doesnt deserve that, he deserves for me to be strong and do what is best for him, not for me, for him.
Still, what if we are all wrong, this thought is haunting me.
He isnt sick in the picture, that was in October, he looks so healthy and happy there, how can things change so quickly? this feels like a horrible nightmare.
/sigh